Children of Heart

I am an adoptive mom and a stepmom. I have been since 2003, however I don't think I really realized it until a few weeks ago. I stood at a football practice with other moms & was given the compliment that I don't act like a stepmom. At the time I thought it was an odd comment & didn't really consider it. Later that night I talked to my mom & recounted the conversation with her. As I repeated the conversation I came to realize that I am Mom to all my kids. I am not adoptive mom or stepmom; I am just mom. They didn't grow in my womb for 9 months; they grew in my heart for much longer. God placed my two sons and daughter in my heart when he placed them in their mothers' wombs. God had a wonderful plan for my children long before I even knew it. I don't act like an adoptive or stepmom, because blood doesn't make me a mom, love does.

Expectations

I have an imagination. I don't want to brag, but I have an amazingly vivid imagination. As a kid I had imaginary friends, tea parties, classrooms, and families to mother. As I grew up, I had no problem writing A+ creative writing pieces. I am even pretty good at imagining what a professor wanted in a piece when I hadn't read the whole book or done all the research. I think the official term for that is my ability to"B.S.".

This imagination can also be a negative thing. In my mind I have pretty much played out events the way I think they should happen. Entire days like Mother's Day or Christmas have been vividly orchestrated in my imagination. Simple things like a date out with my husband or a few hours shopping with my kids have been played out, with dialogue, in my mind before we even back out of the driveway. This type of imagining leads to expectations. My vivid imaginings lead to great expectations, which can be heart breaking in the end.

Let's take Mother's Day for example. In my imagination there would be breakfast in bed followed by each child reciting a beautiful poem they wrote themselves. They would also hand me a long stem rose to fill the pretty vase on my breakfast tray. Then my husband would usher me to a waiting tub full of steaming water, bubbles, and rose petals. While I luxuriously bathed and prepared for church, my family would hustle to clean the entire house and dress in their best for church. After a peaceful and reverent morning sermon we would head to my favorite restaurant and then home for me to take a long nap in a quiet and peaceful house. Must say that these are some GREAT expectations.

If these are my expectations then I am going to spend everyday (especially Mother's Day) disappointed. I have learned to reign in my  imagination. I have begun to have more realistic imaginings. I now imagine a kiss good morning with a "thank you for being the mother of our children", a hug from each kid, a sermon where I only have to tap a kid on the shoulder & shake my head twice, and a meal that I didn't have to cook. When my imagination is contained in a realistic realm, I am not disappointed by life and in fact I am often surprised that my expectations are exceeded! That my friends is the best part of having realistic expectations, you can be sweetly surprised on occasion!

Day by Day

Each night as I lay my head on my pillow I have a plan for the next day. A schedule in mind and a to-do list that is longer than my arm. Most days of my life that schedule is followed pretty closely and the to-do list gets at least a few items marked off. I feel blessed to type that sentence. There have been days in my life that my schedule quickly went down the drain. A sick child, a flat tire, or broken appliance throws a kink into the day. Ten years ago, those days sent my into a tail spin. I would be upset and cranky all day. Then I learned that these little hiccups, are just hiccups, and my life wasn't deeply affected by such little hiccups. This lesson was a hard lesson learned for me.

I am pretty sure I didn't schedule into my day a dinner with my parents where they announced they were moving more than 200 miles away. I definitely didn't schedule my first husband announcing he wanted a divorce. These were all events that were bigger than a hiccup. These events were like highway exits. I exited from my current known life and started on a new highway that led a little different direction. The nights after these announcements I am pretty sure I didn't make a to-do list or plan, I was doing good just to sleep and get out of bed the next morning. In the past 10 years, I have learned that I can live through these exits and even find happiness and success on these new highways. These new highways were often bumpy at first and seemed to be full of potholes, days where I really thought I just wasn't going to make it until bedtime. But, I am here as living proof that this new highway eventually smooths out and many times this highway turns out to be a better highway to better destinations.

These days, after such life exits, I have learned to smile through the hiccups. I can even some days laugh at the hiccups. I still get a little cranky, but I try to put it all in perspective and smile. I can smile because I know that tomorrow brings a new day's plans and lists on this life highway. And if by some unfortunate event I must exit my current life highway, I know that I can merge onto a new highway and eventually that highway will smooth out and once again I will be on a better highway to new & maybe even better destinations.